Happiness:
How to be happy from inside? How to be happy always? How to be happy alone?
These are some of the questions that we ask most often. But the answer remains vague and we are left at where we were.
We are chasing life for happiness. But still we have not found it. Why is it so? What stops us from finding the happiness that we are pursuing.
Is Pleasure and Happiness Same?
Definitely not.
But most commonly mistaken as the same thing. Whatever gives us pleasure, we interpret as it is giving us happiness. These are altogether different things.
Materialistic things give up pleasure. Presence of a person around us elevates our mood. Attaining a success in life which we were aiming for gives us satisfaction. Getting an expensive gift or buying something expensive makes us feel good. We generally say that it has made us happy. But the truth is far from it. All these have given us pleasure which will last for a while ranging from a few minutes to a few years and then they will go.
We are seeking happiness from a source where it does not exist at all. What we get from the materialistic world is pleasure. It is very much temporary and gives us a momentary gratification and satisfaction.
On the other hand, when we talk about happiness it comes from within. It never depends on the external factor that surrounds us. It is not dependent on the availability of any thing or any person. It is a realization that we feel from within.
Happiness is long lasting and makes us feel good about ourselves. That is the reason happiness is found from within and not with anything external and materialistic.
In order to attain happiness, a few steps can be considered as the stepping stones.
Stepping Stones Towards Happiness:
Most of us are in the wrong path and seeking happiness. Let us see how do we train our mind to be on the right path.
- Accept the reality of life– Life is not a uniform and balanced journey. It is full of ups and downs. Happy memories and miserable memories. It is not a bad experience that affects us negatively, it is in fact our reaction to it. We have 2 choices in any given situation. Focus on the situation itself and feel miserable or learn a lesson from it and move ahead.
- Be Generous– Generosity is a quality that is bound to give us happiness. Normally people keep accumulating and gathering and collecting things. It can give them pleasure which in turn is temporary. Let us imagine a situation where we have some excess of food with us and we share it with someone needy. After eating that food, the smile in their face and their satisfaction will surely make us feel happy. We feel good about ourselves. Nothing external can give that happiness. No meal at the most expensive restaurant can match the happiness which we have felt. Even decades later when we recollect the incident, for sure we will feel happy. So happiness can not be dependent on external factors and happiness is always long lasting.
- Forgive– We should practice forgiving ourselves and others. Having said that it does not mean that we should be okay and accept faults and mistakes from other people. It means that we forgive them to clean our heart and to feel peaceful. There are many ways to deal with such people and situations which is a totally separate topic of discussion altogether. We should forgive ourselves for the mistakes that we have done in the past and should move ahead taking care not to repeat those ever again. By holding on to past bitter experiences or feeling of guilt we can not be happy at all. At the same time those feelings and experiences are not doing any good to us at all. So better, et go of the past and live in the present and be mindful of all the actions that you are taking now. It is never too late for a better and new beginning.
Overcome The Roadblock:
Now as we know how to walk on the right path to attain happiness, let us consider what are our roadblocks and how to overcome them.
If we give ourselves a few minutes and think what is that which spoils our mood, or creates a stress for us or in general terms- makes us UNHAPPY.
For sure, those are all external factors that is making its effect on us.
External factors that are beyond our control is making us upset and stressed. Is there any point of time when these factors will come under our control? Then why are we getting affected by them?
It is through our conscious thinking process and proper mindset that we can break those blocks and move ahead.
Reasons For Unhappiness:
More than often unhappiness has only a few reasons. These will branch out and will engulf us all over.
The main reasons are:
- Comparison with others– We tend to compare ourselves with people around who we think are better than us. This can be induced by family pressure or by our own thinking process as well. Now we start feeling ourselves unworthy and try to become the person whom we are seeing as our role model.
We all are unique and no one can become like someone else. This is the reality of life. The sooner we understand this and accept it, it is good for us.
We should analyze and appreciate our uniqueness and build our empire on it.
- Unrealistic Dreams- Another very common practice is we all tend to dream a lot about future. In this process we bear so many grudges about our past and try and dream that it does not happen in future. In this entire circle, we lose the peace of our mind. Past is gone and future is yet to come. What we have is present and we do not make full use of it. This is another major reason that we are stressed more than often. Our mind is busy planning for the unseen and unpredicted future.
What would be the way out then? How about learning lessons from any unpleasant experience that we had and moving ahead. If we make our present enjoyable and full of contentment, that will take care of our future for sure.
We have not seen tomorrow and do not know what is in store for us. So why worry and get stressed over something unknown and spoiling something that we have already—our present day.
- Lack of understanding- This is a very important aspect of our life. Most of us are not able to distinguish between pleasure and happiness. We are not having the clarity to decide what is our priority.
Let me cite an imaginary situation. A college student thinks his priority is his career and he dreams to become the CEO of some well-known company. For him happiness has got nothing to do with his present day and once he attains that dream position, he will be happy. On the other hand, there is a person who is already in that position, Veteran, Middle aged, lots of ailments, stress, on medications, have his own share of turmoil. When this person sees the young person, he wishes to go back to his age and start life again.
Is it relatable?
The best and wise way out is to enjoy our present day, be grateful for whatever we have been blessed with. It is good to have our own set of dreams and ambitions but it should not interfere with our happiness quotient.
Happiness for All:
Whatever is our walk of life, no matter what stage of life we are in, let us practice these few things and attain happiness and peace of mind. A few small changes in our daily habits and routine can have immense impact on our state of mind.
- Smile: When we are happy, we smile. However, it truly works both ways. We smile because we’re happy, and smiling makes us happier because it releases dopamine from the brain. That does not imply that we should constantly wear a phoney smile on our face. However, smiling the next time we feel low and let us see what happens. Alternately, waking up and starting the day with a smile is also a great way to feel happy and charges up.
- Gratitude: Being grateful for what we have, gives a boost to our mood. It impacts our feelings and gives us a hope of happiness. Let us start our day with gratefulness for at least one thing that we have good in our life. Gradually let us try to find out the pleasant things around us, eg, a smiling neighbor, colleague offering a cup of coffee, someone loving us etc etc. With practice we will start seeing all the positive things around us and to appreciate it. This leads to happiness eventually.
- Compliment People: Giving compliment is an act of kindness and it helps in our overall wellbeing. Giving a sincere compliment is a quick process that brightens up the day of the person and at the same time it gives a boost to our own state of mind. Once we do it we can understand how good it feels.
- Accept Unhappy Moments: Positive attitude is a good thing overall. But unpleasant things and incidents do happen and no one can get away from that. We all get some bad news, make mistakes, Feel horrible. That is absolutely Ok. No need to pretend that we are very happy at that moment. We should acknowledge the unpleasant feeling, experience it. Now we have to shift the thought to what made us feel bad and what will make us feel better. Let the moment pass. Happiness and pleasant things can not be with us all time and every time. So accept and move on should be the spirit.
Takeaway:
The key to being happy is understanding the fact that, we have the power to choose what to accept and what to let go.
Be HAPPY by yourself for yourself.
